September 14, 2008

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Men in Kansas Arrested for Stealing Penises

April 24, 2008

Police in Kinshasa, Congo, have arrested 13 suspected “sorcerers” of using black magic to steal or shrink men’s penises, after a wave of panic arose and attempted lynchings which were triggered by the witchcraft.

For reals, y’all!

Reuters is reporting it!

Reports of snatching penises is not uncommon in West Africa, where there’s still a strong belief in traditional religions and witchcraft. There are often ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts.

Some residents accuse a separatist sect from Bas-Congo of being behind the penis robberies in revenge for a recent crackdown of its members by the government.

Penis robberies!!!!!

Rumors of the penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa. Citizens were calling in to radio talk shows to seek advise. Citizens were told to beware of passengers next to them in public transportation, wearing gold rings.

Somebody’s gonna snatch your cock on the metro!

There are supposedly 14 victims so far who claim that the sorcerers touched them, and their penises shrunk or disappeared! They claim it is an attempt to extort cash in return for a cure.

Uhm, right.

Local police chief, Jean-Dieudonne Oleko, said in a recent interview, “You just have to be accused of that, and people come after you. We’ve had a number of attempted lynchings. You see them covered in marks after being beaten.”

Oleko continued, “I’m tempted to say it’s one huge joke, but when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it’s become tiny or that they’ve become impotent. To that I tell them, ‘How do you know if you haven’t gone home and tried it’.”

Apparently, something similar happed over 10 years ago in Ghana, when 12 suspected penis robbers were beaten to death by angry mobs.

But residents are still claiming it’s real. Alain Kalala, a local citizen, said “It’s real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny.”

Unless it was tiny to begin with?

This was found @ Perez


*** Ok, ok. Not Kansas really, but rather Kinshasa, Congo. The same, right? Kidding. It’s just that Kinshasa and Kansas look the same at quick glance. Made you look though, right?